Thrilla from Manila

I apologize for the long delay. I never anticipated the number of readers I’d get, or my sheer lack of writing-motivation. I think the burden of filtering out what’s unimportant has been weighing on me, and I’ve been avoiding the blog. From now on, I’ll aim for shorter, more frequent posts. Anyway, I’ll do my best to summarize my experience over the past few weeks:

1) After getting sick in Macau, I made the faulty assumption that my health would improve before traveling to Puerto Galera in the Philippines. It didn’t. The two-hour flight from Hong Kong to Manila was hilarious: the cheap tickets we bought afforded us seats in the back of the plane that boldly displayed “No Frills” stickers on the headrests. A 3-hour bus ride from Manila and 1-hour ferry ride from Batangas Port brought me to a beautiful resort in Puerto Galera. Unfortunately, it brought no one else, leaving my group stranded with the busboy/chef/bartender/concierge (same guy) and a French family fond of Speedos (and letting it all hang out). Two-hours after arriving, we decided to check out of the resort and try our chances at the notorious White Beach.

The sun set as we passed deserted islands with towering palm trees swaying in a warm breeze. A transcendental water taxi ride provided a stark contrast with the famous strip of bars and hostels called White Beach. While searching for decent accommodations on the tiny beach strip, we were bombarded with offers of “herb,” mushrooms, $5 happy-massages, and sexual advances from the island’s burgeoning transvestite community. Salty smoke rushed into my face as I passed raw meat stands and transvestite dance shows, exacerbating my already-sore throat. Finally, we checked into a hilarious hostel that provided dirty, Pokemon sheets, salamanders, and working plumbing! I really thought I had seen my share of crazy, having spent much of my childhood in the Haight-Ashbury, but San Francisco doesn’t hold a candle to the Philippines. For example, Manila apparently boasts a bar where customers pay to throw midgets (little people?) dressed in Velcro at a gigantic sticky wall. What kind of civilization permits that level of insanity? After describing the island as “hell on Earth,” “Apocalypse Now,” and “Alice in Wonderland - on crack,” I realized that in addition to the madness outside our doors, I had contracted pink eye! With my condition steadily worsening, I realized I wouldn’t get to take part in snorkeling, drinking, or dancing with the multitudes of aggressive transvestites, and, with the blessing of my parents’ checkbook, flew home the next day. What a bad trip (zing!).

2) My parents came! And it was great! For the first time in weeks, I actually gained weight (they broke my rice-only diet), and got to explore even more of this exotic metropolis. I hope they come back – their company was an excellent treat. Oh, and I got to eat at Aqua!

3) Last week, I decided to go to Macau at 10:30 p.m. with three friends. After pissing away almost $100 USD, and realizing that MGTO120 started before bungee jumping opened, I decided to head back to Hong Kong at 7 a.m. (college really improves critical thinking).

4) Why do I keep meeting 25+ year old women at bars?

5) I’ve almost finalized my spring break plans. I’ll give my fans the teaser-trailer version: Hong Kong to Phuket to Bangkok to Ayutthaya to Bangkok to Chiang Mai to Houayxai/Louang Phabang to Hanoi to Hong Kong. Say that ten times fast.

Ok, I think catches everyone up. Once again, I love emails/gchats/facebook messages/romantic letters, so feel free to send me love. To clarify, I did not throw any midgets (little people?) at a sticky wall in Manila.

-Alex “The Gifted One” Rosenberg